I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
