I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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