____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
