So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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