Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
