Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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