you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
