So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
