ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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