it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
