Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
