Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize