barbara walters just said penis...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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