You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
