Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
