I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
