I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They took my balls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
