I want to walk on stilts...naked
just tell him i said nine months
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
