haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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