My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
