how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
