New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
