On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
