Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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