i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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