My hand turned me down
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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