There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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