How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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