my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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