Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
