You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
