You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
