oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
