Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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