and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize