oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
