if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
