woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
