oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
