i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize