I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
