is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
