it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
