my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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