Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
