she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
