the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize