I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
