I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
