Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
