take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
