I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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