All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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