im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize