just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
