cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
