taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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