I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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