2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
