I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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