He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
