you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize