Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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