Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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