some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
