You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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