I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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