Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
