Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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