If that was your dad, he is hot
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
