dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize