If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
