he thought i was a dude.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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