You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
