Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize