I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
