I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
