I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
